I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize