i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize