Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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