Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
