In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
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He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize