we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
