I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
