He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
