EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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