Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
