you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
