i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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