I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
