White coat. Heels.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
