I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
