Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
