I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm really busy with my period
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