Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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