I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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