At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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