I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
