the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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