I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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