Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
