Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
