Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
