If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
