This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
