butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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