I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
