is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
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Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
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You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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