Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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