I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
