I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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