Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
