I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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