My liver just broke up with me...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
