The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
