why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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