I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
