iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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