I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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