he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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