What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
