i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
