I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
