Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
