she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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