Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We need to feng shui this bitch.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
