how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
