my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
