It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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