Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
