we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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