I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just had sex bonerless
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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