we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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