I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
