tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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