Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
