I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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