The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
