the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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