before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
