well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
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My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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