Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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