If i come over, it means nothing
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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