Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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