I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
