I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize