I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
