Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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