too bad you live with your parents still
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
