sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
