i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Your cock deserves a montage
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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