I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
