So drunk its hurt
i don't like sucking hair
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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