Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
