Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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