I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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