When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
