Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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