i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
