thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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