I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
