Im at strip club and am horny
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There's even glitter on my cock...
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